Emptiness
Friday, December 31, 2010
Life is strange. I have so much to speak but so few to talk to. I enjoy conversations but cant find a medium to express my inner self. Some would say that these contradictions are what makes life interesting; but few would understand that interesting stuff are good to look at horrendous to experience. Who knows 6 months from now I may laugh at what I am experiencing today but as of now it is tormenting.
Do I want to do that? No. Will i do that? Probably Yes. I fear waking up in the night one day and having no one to call to. I fear having a holiday but no one to go out with. I fear where I am headed. Yet the baffling part is that I am walking towards it, towards emptiness...
I should be happy. I have everything that I dreamt of throughout my life, yet I am not. The problem with me in particular and humans in general is that we love to work towards a goal but once you achieve that you experience a large void. This void needs to be filled. As of now I am experiencing the same.
I am sure, the void would soon disappear but am terrified of what would take its place. Will it be another goal or would be a desire to enjoy what I have achieved. Now it is that the reader would understand the problem of the author. Enjoying what you have achieved is good but a retort would be round the corner that what have you achieved that you feel you can enjoy. Working towards the next goal is tough because it takes a lot of effort and sacrifice. I am on a fast track and have sacrificed almost everything that I can. Now if I have to sacrifice even more I would be sacrificing part of me which until now were the exclusive domain of my loved ones.
Do I want to do that? No. Will i do that? Probably Yes. I fear waking up in the night one day and having no one to call to. I fear having a holiday but no one to go out with. I fear where I am headed. Yet the baffling part is that I am walking towards it, towards emptiness...
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